I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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