So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
