my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
