i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
