He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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