please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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