you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
