Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
