I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
