This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
