it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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