I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
