Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
