your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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