I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
