I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
