p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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