how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
