If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Acid is not a monday night drug
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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