he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
