I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
