just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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