we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh god it's open bar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
