i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
