and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
our cab driver is having phone sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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