she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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