I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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