my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
