I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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