real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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