No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
