Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
