i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
