Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to wash the frat house off of me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
