My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
