there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
