dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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