I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
