It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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