Got a toothbrush?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
