that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
