so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
