I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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