I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
