you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
