were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I smell stomach acid.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
