@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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