we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
