i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
