After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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