so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
