Can i not drive my cunt home
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
